Lorraine Desrosiers: Gourmet recipe for evil genius (accompaniment for a meal of global disaster)

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Published: 1/8/2019 10:09:28 AM

From Superman to Sherlock Holmes to James Bond, recent literature uses ancient recipes for evil genius, probably older than Virgil. Personal culinary research has turned up a good one, perhaps the best, the American version written by too many cooks, and presented here.

1) First procure a very good human brain and pickle it in imported Braggadocio; 2) trim away empathy, understanding foresight, conscience and humility; 3) fill the hollows left with every popular brand of Greed; 4) sprinkle generously with a spice called Power ground finely enough to obscure whatever it lands on; 5) set the preparation over hot-burning imported Laundered Cash, Russian is best; 6) stir until all traces of goodness have disappeared and the mixture becomes dark.

Do not bake, refrigerate or cover. Find a level field somewhere, even if it is the only one left, and allow to congeal in the open air until a crust forms and the entire mass is hard as glass, 2-4 years according to science. Your heaviest kitchen tools may be needed to break it up into digestible pieces that might still penetrate willy-nilly  and cause harm.

For best results, cover yourself completely with a web of lies. In addition, prepare for unforeseen events with antiseptic and painkillers distilled from the rarest kinds of excuses and blame, along with paper towels left over from recent natural disasters. Whatever happens, don’t worry, injuries will heal soon enough and leftovers can be upcycled using a special condiment called Denial. The recipe itself, along with previous versions, will remain in the annals of time as long as humanity won’t change its ways, hopefully longer for the benefit of future species.

Lorraine Desrosiers
Hadley




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