The Gazette opinion page is my second favorite section of the newspaper. I prefer to begin my day’s journey by reading the comics. All too often they provide me with the only good laughs of the day. I procrastinate reading the news as it generally makes me sad, angry, frustrated, or all three, especially recently.

My primary objection about the “opinions” expressed on the opinion page is that they often morph into advice. After all, it’s not the “advice page.”

In my humble opinion, there is a not so subtle distinction between “opinion” and “advice.” To me, someone’s opinion presents that individual’s views and beliefs about a topic of interest. I enjoy reading that and often learn a thing or two. Advice, on the other hand, is the offer of guidance (often free and unrequested) about how to conduct oneself in various predicaments.

My first reaction to that “generous” offer — especially when it’s gratuitous — is to recoil. To paraphrase a line from Harry S. Truman: If you want someone to follow your advice, “find out what they want and advise them to do it.”

Throughout my 78 years I have been offered both free and very expensive advice by countless individuals and “experts.” I have followed it and have sometimes been forced to follow it far too many times. Unfortunately, I have also eschewed most of the suggestions my parents gave to me. Both of these facts go a long way toward accounting for most of the trouble I have found myself in over the years. (You were right, Mom and Dad.)

The inspiration for writing this essay stems from the advice I have recently received from medical and dental professionals. I recognize that they all had my best interest in mind, and I greatly appreciate their concern and expertise with regard to my health. A problem has arisen, however, which I’m not sure is taken into account when this advice is dispensed. I have reached the 78-year-old milestone recently, and the number of maladies I’m facing is increasing like a power function. I’ll just present two examples here.

Let’s begin with an orthopedic issue I have been dealing with for some time.

After consulting with the doctor, I was advised to get physical therapy. I was to see the physical therapist three times per week for two months. After each visit, as I was walking out the door, I was given several sheets of paper with a variety of different exercises. I was advised to do these activities three times per day. After just one month I had amassed 36 different exercises. Had I not opened my mouth, at that rate I would have accumulated 72 different activities, each of which I was supposed to do three times per day. It got to the point that I didn’t have the time or energy to brush my teeth.

Which led to the next problem. When I found a brief moment to get to my dental appointment, I was informed that I had developed a periodontal problem. I was then advised to take an antibiotic twice per day for 90 days. Along with this regimen, I was advised not to eat anything for two hours before and for two hours after each dose.

Combined with the physical therapy schedule I described above, I lost 12 pounds in one month, which I couldn’t afford to lose. I’m afraid I will now have to carve out a window in this schedule to see a nutritionist.

Again, I am not questioning the dedication, expertise, or genuine concern for my well-being. I simply feel caught between Scylla and Charybdis.

Sometimes I can understand what led Gilbert Chesterton to say, “I owe my success to having listened respectfully to the very best advice and then going away and doing the exact opposite.”

It’s the likes of Ann Landers, Dear Abby, and Dr. Phil who come to mind who distribute free advice to the public at large. I have trouble paying attention to them and their ilk for more than five seconds at a time. They often instruct the distressed individual seeking help to “just be themselves.” I like J.B. Priestley’s reaction to that which is: “Being yourself is about the worst advice you can give to some people.”

I prefer to read the Gazette opinion page — the opinions of the letter writers, guest columnists, columnists, and the editorials when they refrain from dispensing advice with their takes on the issues. They don’t always do that. I have never gotten into trouble listening to someone express their opinion, but listening to their advice is another story altogether.

Please note that I have not dispensed one word of advice here — only my opinions.

It was Eden Phillpotts who said, “People sensitive enough to give good advice are usually sensible enough to ignore it.”

Jonathan Kahane lives in Westhampton.

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