Only Human with Joan Axelrod-Contrada: The power of talk and touch: We all crave human contact and conversation

Submitted photo

By JOAN AXELROD-CONTRADA

For the Gazette

Published: 08-08-2024 1:13 PM

I was happily relishing my new state of singledom when “Human Touch” by Bruce Springsteen sounded on my Amazon Alexa.

The song stirred something in me. Something I wasn’t sure I wanted to hear. Something confusing (especially given my public declaration of independence). Something deeply human. Yup, it was my craving for the human touch.

I had to admit that my favorite thing in the world is something an ex of mine dubbed Talk and Touch, a delicious combination of conversation blended with physical contact. Sadly, it’s a mix hard to find from anyone other than a romantic partner. The talk enhances the touch, and vice versa. In the 1992 song “Human Touch,” Springsteen describes how, being in a cold, hard world, he needs someone to talk to and that human touch.

While some listeners might interpret his lyrics as code words for sex, I’m not one of them. Instead, I take his version of Talk and Touch as the deliciousness of being held for longer than your typical embrace. Conversation enhances the experience, especially if it makes us laugh.

Some people might get all the comfort they need from their pets, but, unfortunately, my rescue dog Desi hates to be held. Every time I get down on the floor and wrap my arms around him, he refuses to return the favor. Sometimes he even dares to walk away. What nerve!

As for friends and relatives, we certainly hug. Sometimes the embrace might even turn into a little dance with legs kicking out to the side in an expression of exuberance. But anything more? Well, with the possible exceptions of breast-feeding an infant, cuddling with our kids in bed, or paying for a professional massage, most of us confine our close physical contact to romantic relationships.

In our sex-crazed culture, it’s difficult to disentangle touch from nookie, but I think we can all appreciate the therapeutic effects of someone brushing against our skin. Turns out, I’m not alone.

Such a need has given rise to cuddle parties, which offer a sort of safe, structured, nonsexual, and alcohol-free modern version of the pajama party. Kudos to the organizers of such events. However, since I lacked the courage to cuddle with strangers, I asked a platonic male friend if he’d be interested. He looked at me like I’d just invited him to clean toilets.

So, since I craved that combination of Talk and Touch, I decided to go back on Match.com even though a mountain-sized part of me still declared myself happily single. Lo and behold I came across a profile written entirely in rhyme.

True confessions: Talent, for me, is a huge aphrodisiac. As I read this profile, I remembered the 1987 Steve Martin rom-com “Roxanne” in which he uses the power of words to woo his love interest played by Daryl Hannah. The Poet also won me over by posting pictures of his dog.

So we met and immediately connected around our shared passions of dogs and writing. On our second date, he held me when I was getting weepy about something personal.

Of course, since this tale sounds too good to be true, we need some complications, so here we go. First of all, our life experiences were completely different. He had chosen the life of the artist. I, on the other hand, had developed my more modest talents alongside a life bustling with family, friendships, and community involvement.

Since I had worked so hard to build my well-rounded life, it pained me to come face to face with how things might have turned out had I put all my eggs into the basket of creativity. So, I wrote him a long email explaining why I needed to put him in the friend zone. We could be writing buddies. Not romantic partners. The end. After all, I was happily single.

Then I played back in my mind that time he held me. So, after laying down the law about my fierce independence, I persuaded The Poet to give me a second chance. Right now, the future looks bright. I offer myself up as Exhibit A of happily Living Apart Together. Bruce Springsteen was right: There’s nothing like that human touch.

But, as a compulsive planner, I’m always ready for Plan B, C or D.

Many of my single loved ones get the cuddles they need from their dogs, grandchildren, or friends with benefits. Whatever your situation, you can find some version of Talk and Touch that works for you.

Joan Axelrod-Contrada is a writer who lives in Florence and is working on a collection of essays, “Rock On: A Baby Boomer’s Playlist for Life after Loss.” Reach her at joanaxelrodcontrada@gmail.com.