Guest columnist Mariel E. Addis: Pride and prejudice

The Majestic Saloon float makes its way down Main Street during the Hampshire Pride Parade in downtown Northampton on May 6, 2023.

The Majestic Saloon float makes its way down Main Street during the Hampshire Pride Parade in downtown Northampton on May 6, 2023. GAZETTE FILE PHOTO/DAN LITTLE

Members of the Parasol Patrol march down Main Street during the Hampshire Pride Parade in downtown Northampton on Saturday.

Members of the Parasol Patrol march down Main Street during the Hampshire Pride Parade in downtown Northampton on Saturday. GAZETTE FILE PHOTO/DAN LITTLE

By MARIEL E. ADDIS

Published: 05-02-2024 9:07 PM

 

When I came out, and even when I began my male-to-female transition, I couldn’t quite imagine the way my life would turn.

Before transitioning, I was very private. I was not a particularly vocal advocate for social justice, although I always privately, and quietly, believed in it. The thought of speaking up in a public space like the pages of this paper, or even in front of a group, felt scary, foreign even.

Not anymore. I am proud of myself, proud of what I’ve accomplished in reassembling the broken pieces of my life following a difficult experience in coming out — and I’m not afraid or ashamed to talk about it.

The Hampshire County Pride Parade is Saturday May 4, in Northampton, and International Pride Month is June. Both offer me, and many others, a time of personal reflection and celebration. I know I am not alone in this; many people who will be at Pride events worldwide understand what I am describing and why these events are necessary.

While hopefully the majority of families embrace their LGBTQ+ family members, I know there are, sadly, many families who don’t. Some fall to religious arguments, those portions of the Bible that say homosexuality is evil, or follow the notion that altering one’s body to feel happy and whole in some way violates God’s will.

Some families feel shame or embarrassment in having to share that their child, parent, or partner came out as a member the LGBTQ+ community. Parents may feel they failed in raising an LGBTQ+ child or partners may feel cheated or duped when they find out the person they fell in love with is gay or trans. It shouldn’t be like this; everything that family loved about the person inside is still intact, only their label, and perhaps their presentation, is different.

It is not a reflection on the family when a family member comes out as LGBTQ+; it takes a whole lot of soul-searching and bravery to come out, and families should celebrate the strength of the LGBTQ+ family member instead of rejecting or disowning them. Coming out is a very difficult and very personal experience and is not a reflection on the family. Coming out should not be something to be dreaded — it should be a time of coming together as a family.

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I feel blessed to have the level of love and support I do from many friends and some of my family, but there are a handful of my family members who are unable to accept a female for a variety of reasons. I know that many LGBTQ+ folks have experienced similar situations after coming out.

Life is short. I hope events like Hampshire County’s Pride Parade cause more families to rethink their negative attitudes and prejudices about their LGBTQ+ family members, rallying around them and showing them the unconditional love and support they so badly need in this often unaccepting world.

Mariel Addis is a native of Florence. She left the area for 16 years but returned in 2013.