People tend to fear what they don’t know or understand, and that seems to be the case for some people when it comes to understanding what it means to be transgender. For most of these people, they don’t personally know anyone who is transgender, so they believe that the negative stories put forth by the opponents of Ballot Question 3 are true — in reality, they don’t hold water. I thought it might be helpful to introduce everyone to a transgender person I know very well — me.
I was born in the mid-1960s, and based upon my body parts, I was identified as male. I never thought much about my gender until the age of 5 or 6, when I occasionally thought about being a girl. It was the 1970s, and although there had been some male-to-female surgical transitions carried out quietly, one rarely heard about them, particularly a kid in grammar school. The term transgender was not even coined at the point, and if you had a male body and questioned your gender, you knew not to say anything about it. Thoughts like these were not shared.
By junior high, as my body was going through puberty, I wasn’t sure that I liked the changes that were happening to it. From what I now know as an adult, all adolescents kind of feel like this, but in my case, it was a little different — no need to go into details.
I somehow made it through junior high school and then college, with questions about my gender popping up regularly. I was attracted to girls, had a male body, so I must be a guy — right?
I lived as a male for years, married a woman I loved, became a dad to two super boys, built a career as an engineer, and had a good life. Still, something was not quite right. In the early days of my marriage, I didn’t question my gender much, but as I got older, the female who had been inside of me for years needed to be heard. I came out to my wife in 2006, and it was a disaster. The following nine years were also a disaster for me until January 2016, when I officially kicked off my male-to-female transition alone, without the support of much of my family.
I want all the readers to know that this transition is the best thing I have ever done for myself. I don’t regard my transition as a choice, but as a necessity. I had been depressed and had made two previous attempts to take my own life. Since transitioning, I have not felt any desire to make such a rash move. As a female, I feel whole, happy and energized. I have built a new life, made many new friends, and perhaps for the first time in my life, learned to love and stand up for myself.
I have had many proud achievements in my life, but my transition is, to me, the greatest of all. It is the most difficult challenge I have ever encountered, but I have been rewarded for taking it on.
Before I came out back in 2006, I personally knew no one who was transgender. Along my transitional journey, I have met many other trans folks — transgender men and women, boys and girls. These people are some of the most amazing, brave and caring people I have ever met in my life. These people deserve your respect and the same rights to live as every other citizen in the Commonwealth. I urge you to vote “yes” on Question 3 on Nov. 6.
Mariel Addis is a native of Florence. She left the area for 16 years but returned in 2013 and loves being back in the Valley.