It’s Monday. Well, it was Monday when I wrote this, about 28 hours before the recurrent guy’s threatened deadline to obliterate all of Iran’s civilian infrastructure. I don’t know what will happen at 8 p.m. Tuesday night, but I sure hope he’ll chicken out again. On that note, let me share with you a recent phone call from Rod Serling.

Hi Rod, what’s up? “Well, I have this episode idea stuck in my head and I want to run it by you.” Really, by me? “Of course by you, aren’t you living in and through the perfect Twilight Zone script?”

Yes, I guess that’s true. OK, let’s have it, what disaster are you going to dump on me?

“OK, there’s a formerly democratic country that has a want-to-be-King-president that I’ll call the recurrent guy because he was unexpectedly reelected president. I’m going to name the country the United States of the Recurrent Guy. He’s been back in office for about 14 months and has inflicted havoc, chaos and destruction on every aspect of the government and country.”

“High up on his campaign agenda was to keep the country out of foreign wars, reduce prices, and bring inflation down. But he has failed at all of that. First he bombs small boats, claiming the people on board are narco-terrorists. Then he inflicts massive tariffs on the whole world (paid for by his own citizens). And then he invades a country I’ll call Venezuela in the dead of night, kidnaps its president and his wife from their beds and brings them before a court back in the U.S.R.G. The invaded country seems not to care very much and there is no military response at all. The recurrent guy is beside himself with joy and proceeds to take control of all that country’s oil.”

Of course he does! That’s just what’s happening here, Rod. And we have a Venezuela in our world too. How strange. What happens next?

“The recurrent guy feels so empowered by the ease of this invasion, that he decides to do another, thinking it will be just as easy as the first. This time, though, he launches a decapitation bombing run against a theocratic oil rich dictatorship called Iran that has been a pain in the side of the recurrent guy’s country for years. He and a partner country kill off many of the top leaders of Iran expecting what’s left will accept defeat. But, of course, they do not. The country, in response, begins immediately to bomb other countries in its region causing destruction to oil facilities that the rest of the world depends on.”

Wow, Rod, where did you get this idea? That’s exactly what’s been going on here. Is your recurrent guy demanding that his allies join him in this war?

“Yes, especially after Iran closes off a very narrow waterway, called a strait, that at least 20% of this world’s needed oil passes through daily. Clearly the recurrent guy has not planned for anything but instant capitulation. He demands that his allies help him open the strait, but they were never informed of this reckless war and one by one state they will not participate. The recurrent guy, now furious, thinks that if he threatens to bomb Iran’s civilian infrastructure into oblivion that its leaders will give up the fight and open the skinny waterway. But they don’t. The recurrent guy goes on to declare deadlines for Iran to give in, but he’s the one who gives in over and over again and keeps moving the threatened obliteration day further and further out.”

Same here, Rod. Our recurrent guy just yesterday posted this screed on his failing social media site… “Open the F*****’ Strait you crazy b*******, or you’ll be living in Hell—JUST WATCH!” Rod, can you believe that’s the way our president speaks publicly and he’s threatening to inflict war crimes on innocent civilians. Is that what your guy is doing too?

“Oh yes, he sure is. But I’m just not sure how I’ll end this episode. Will the recurrent guy debase himself and his nation by carrying out his ghastly threats, or will he humiliate himself by declaring victory and walking away? I’ve also been toying with a third possibility. The recurrent guy’s former allied countries, led by one I’ll call Greenland, which he’s threatened many times to invade and annex into his U.S.R.G, secretly convene a meeting and come up with a plan to counter his crazed, world-destroying actions and wars.”

“The plan is risky, but since it had been executed successfully once before, they decide to act in the best interests of the world. In the dead of night, while the recurrent guy is peacefully sleeping in his bed at his Maga Lago club, an incredibly well-trained military unit slips past his security detail, into his bedroom, and somehow, and ever so quietly, carries him from the premises. They know his wife refuses to sleep with him so they decide to leave her in peace.”

“Once they fly the recurrent guy back to Greenland, he is hauled before a court of law to face criminal charges of multiple war crimes against humanity, fraud, theft, and extortion. The U.S.R.G. does nothing in response as it’s now been left to an even more incompetent person, the vice president.”

“So… what do you think?”

I love it, Rod! But I think you should make a few changes. I’d like to see you collect the recurrent guy’s VP, advisors and cabinet secretaries and haul them all out of bed and out of the country. Then you can leave the country in the hands of leaders who actually care about the people they serve.

“OK, I’ll do it.”

Karen Gardner of Haydenville can be reached at opinion@gazettenet.com.