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Gazette news quiz

1 The Rev. Andrea Ayvazian of the Haydenville Congregational Church is taking a three-month sabbatical from tending her flock to do what?

(a) Clean out her basement.

(b) Write a memoir about growing up.

(c) Watch a lot of mindless television.

(d) An eight-day silent retreat and then a walk across a route in northern Spain called the Camino, a 500-mile ancient pilgrimage.

2 What was Smith College professor Michael Gorra celebrating this week?

(a) First-ever retweet by the White House.

(b) His selection as Smith’s poet laureate.

(c) A nomination for a National Book Critics Circle award.

(d) With month only half over, he had to drop his New Year’s resolution to like novels by Dan Brown.

3 “Today, we take the next critical step in fulfilling our commitment to bringing new jobs and economic growth to the region.” Who said this?

(a) Northampton Mayor David Narkewicz, on hiring workers to plow snow during snowstorms.

(b) New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie, on a massive rebuilding project following Superstorm Sandy.

(c) The Boston Red Sox owners, on hiring real baseball players for next year’s team.

(d) Mohegan Tribal Council chairman Bruce “Two Dogs” Bozsum on filing an application for a state license to build a casino in Palmer.

4 A Supreme Judicial Court decision this week rejected all the reasons a Sunderland board cited in denying a 150-unit affordable housing complex, which can now move forward. Which of the following were among the town’s claims?

(a) The complex would threaten owl habitat.

(b) There is plenty of cheap housing just up the road in Turners Falls.

(c) The town fire department’s ladders are too short.

(d) Sunderland already has a lot of relatively affordable apartments.

5 What did Lance Armstrong confess to Oprah?

(a) That for motivation while training, he would sometimes jump on his own couch.

(b) That he was always uncomfortable wearing those spandex tights.

(c) That when he earlier denied using performance-enhancing drugs, he had his fingers crossed.

(d) That he used performance-enhancing drugs not to cheat but to equalize the advance other cyclists were getting through their own doping.

6 A new state law requires teachers to be ...

(a) ... paid daily.

(b) ... citizens.

(c) ... fingerprinted.

(d) ... holograms.

7 This week’s UFO sighting in Amherst included a report from a woman on South Pleasant Street who said she saw a group of three lights in the shape of a triangle passing over the road. What did town police detectives quickly determine was traveling through the air?

(a) A pale imitation of the aurora borealis.

(b) A ghostly apparition of the Pythagorean Theorem (a² + b² = c²).

(c) A traffic light that had been swept up by a strong gust of wind.

(d) A helicopter and its lights.

8 Why does Gov. Deval Patrick want to see state taxes rise by a net of $1.9 billion a year even as he proposes a sales tax reduction to 4.5 percent?

(a) Staff discovered that all other ideas had been used in earlier State of the State speeches.

(b) To deal with silt removal from certain Big Dig borings.

(c) To pay for major new transportation and education projects, as well as lighten the tax burden on lower-income residents.

(d) It’s legacy time, baby!

9 Why is Notre Dame football player Manti Te’o in the news?

(a) Because he’s going to be one of the top three picks in the coming NFL draft.

(b) Because he was accused of throwing the BCS title game against Alabama.

(c) He’s actually 29 years old and has played for three different college teams under assumed names.

(d) An online girlfriend he supposedly had for years and who had recently died of leukemia was a hoax. The whole story had been made up.

10 The Easthampton City Council decided this week to allow municipal boards to set their own policy on what issue?

(a) Requiring gentlemen visitors to remove their hats.

(b) Fan on or fan off.

(c) Video recording of meetings.

(d) Number of locks on meeting room doors.

Answers: 1-d (and we’re jealous); 2-c; 3-d; 4-c and d; 5-d; 6-c; 7-d; 8-c, and maybe d; 9-d; 10-c

Monte’s answer: a

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