When President Donald Trump was indicted on April 1, my thinking totally changed. After years of being a liberal/Democrat, I’m now all-in on MAGA thinking. That April 1 indictment finally “woke” me to the treachery of the socialist left. Sure, CNN (Communist News Network) and the rest of the liberal media reported the indictment on March 30. But I didn’t hear about it until April 1, so who should I believe? Myself or fake news?

What finally made me hide my brain under a red hat was what Trump said at his recent rally in the totally random, not-at-all-symbolic location of Waco, Texas: ”They’re not coming after me, they’re coming after you.” Like, mind blown.

Trump said something similar during his first impeachment hoax in 2019 when he tweeted, “In reality they’re not after me they’re after you I’m just in the way.” But I didn’t see his point then because I’ve never asked a foreign leader to dig up totally not made-up dirt on my political opponent totally not in exchange for Javelin missiles, squid-pro-quo, wink, wink. That’s just not me.

This time, however, it’s different. Trump’s innocent situation is so relatable to real Americans like us, you know? C’mon, who among us hasn’t had affairs with an adult film performer and a centerfold model, had his fixer pay hush money to influence an election, falsified business records of those payments, and then claimed none of it happened even after the fixer went to jail and named him as ringleader and unindicted co-conspirator?

It’s the oldest story in the book, dating back to Adam and Eve and the serpent. We’ve all done it multiple times. Hillary Clinton did it, but the media hushed it up to focus on something about emails that no one even remembers now. You’ve done it, too, dear reader. You know you have. I’ve probably done the same thing a few dozen times, but please don’t tell anyone or I’ll have to fork over a few hundred thousand dollars. Again.

Anyway, it’s all ancient history considering Trump’s affair that didn’t happen happened in 2006 and the payoff that didn’t happen happened in 2016. The statue of limitations has obviously expired. That statue is even older than the naked marble David, who should at least wear a skirt or a Florida-shaped loincloth. I heard about that on Fox News, and the Dominos lawsuit proves Fox News is the only honest echo chamber out there.

When Trump gets indicted for his other crimes (Georgia election interference, obstruction of justice, stealing classified documents, inciting insurrection), I’ll side with Trump again because MAGA thinking doesn’t allow for ambivalence. Life is so much easier when you surrender and let someone else do your thinking for you. It’s all black and white … literally.

Trump has pointed out that Manhattan District Attorney Alvin Bragg is a racist because, in MAGA thinking, a Black law enforcement official prosecuting a white criminal is the textbook definition of racism. But Trump kept it classy by pointing out that Bragg is a “Soros backed animal.” Trump didn’t have to use a standard racial slur for Bragg or talk about Jewish financiers controlling Bragg to make his very subtle, not at all racist, completely pro-semitic point. Everyone agrees with what Trump’s saying. And by “everyone,” I mean the Proud Boys, Oath Keepers, KKK, and those who hold similar views without the accompanying cosplay.

Did Bragg even go to law school? We all know liberals love unqualified minorities. Why wasn’t a genius legal mind like Rudy Giuliani appointed to the D.A. position instead? Another intellectual, Florida Gov. Ron DeSantis, vowed not to extradite “Florida man” Trump to New York. I dare anyone to show me where in Article 4, Section 2, Clause 2 of the U.S. Constitution it says someone charged with a crime should be sent to ”the state having jurisdiction of the crime.” Can’t do it, can you, pinkos? Checkmate!

Trump was courageous enough to surrender for his arraignment. Law-and-order Senator Lindsey Graham said that Trump should “punch a cop” to be “released immediately!” All law-abiding citizens punch cops in New York these days without getting arrested, right? It’s become kind of a Big Apple tradition.

But Trump didn’t need DeSantis’s help or heed Graham’s advice to assault the police as so many of Trump’s loyal followers did on January 6. Instead, Trump showed up and got the special treatment he deserved. There were no handcuffs or mug shot — although Trump’s campaign immediately began selling T-shirts with a fake Trump mug shot because all the classiest billionaires beg for money when they get arrested.

Post-arraignment, Bragg spoke briefly to the press about the rule of law in America, blah, blah, blah, who cares? Trump had a much better press conference later at Mar-a-Lago (beautiful place, very classy) where he summed up this country’s history since he officially entered politics in 2015: “America is going to hell.”

Trump’s arrest for his crimes shows that it’s time to commemorate April 1 as a national holiday for Trump and his followers. Let’s call that day, “April Trump’s Day.” That designation tells us everything we need to know about Trump and the people who still support him.

John Sheirer is an author and teacher from Florence. His latest book is the award-winning, “Stumbling Through Adulthood: Linked Stories.” Find him at JohnSheirer.com.]]>