Andy Morris-Friedman: ‘If there is a coin shortage, show me the money!’

  • Coins from the initial run of the Arizona quarter fall into a catch bin below the press during a ceremony at the U.S. Mint in Denver on Friday, May 16, 2008. AP

Published: 8/12/2020 10:03:04 AM

Here’s my two cents on the coin crisis. First the climate crisis, then the COVID crisis and now the coin crisis?

Why worry about a coin shortage in the middle of all this change? It’s really making me stand on edge. I don’t believe in the coin crisis and feel there needs to be more studies before I’ll admit to something that everyone else already agrees on. If there is a coin shortage, show me the money!

Compared to other crisis, this one is small change. Have you tried looking for coins in your couch? The coin crisis is fake news, a witch hunt and a hoax (not necessarily in that order) perpetrated by numerous numismatic nincompoops. A ploy to create publicity by the laundromat industry. How about a market biased solution to the coin crisis? Instead of minting more money for Maytag, give out vouchers so people can buy new cloths.

Take a look at the flip side of the coin crisis. Coins are so confusing. Silver dollars aren’t made from silver, pennies are made from nickel and nickels, take it from me, are wooden. I can’t make heads or tails out of them. With COVID crashing the economy, people won’t need to make change because they won’t be able to buy stuff in the first place.

And soon you won’t need U.S. coins any more because after the reelection, we’re switching to the ruble. They say that to survive the coin crisis we need to pay our dues, put our money where our mouths are (make sure you disinfect it first) and stop the coin crisis at all costs. Then we’ll feel like a million bucks.

But I wouldn’t pay a penny for their thoughts. Victory in the coin crisis demands we show our enemies no quarter. The truth is we can’t let the coin crisis break the piggy bank.

But I digress. The coin crisis could turn on a dime. Sure, I admit I’m a coin collector, but only if they reflect traditional American values, like coins from the Confederate States of America. But to show that I’m not racist, I’ll start collecting coins that have pictures of African American men on them. Are there any? But I won’t collect coins with woman on them, I wouldn’t give a dollar for any of them.

The truth is coins are just a pitiful ploy to get people to adopt the decimal system. But that’s besides the point.

Andy Morris-Friedman


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