Jack Tulloss: ‘Ay, there’s the rub’

Published: 1/6/2021 1:32:54 PM
Modified: 1/6/2021 1:32:44 PM

To mask or not to mask, that is the question: Whether ‘tis nobler in the mind to suffer the short-term inconvenience of wearing a face-covering or disdaining sound public health advice and by opposing common-sense guidelines put oneself, family, friends and strangers at risk: ay, there’s the rub.

The majesty of the Constitution is that it protects us all, even those who are hell-bent on twisting the document like a balloon animal to create a synthetic legal argument defending the rights of mask-resistors to injure others. And as the possibility of a local, state, or federally mandated mask-wearing requirement gains traction, the enforcement issue looms large as well.

To prevent being swept up in a COVID no-knock dragnet and having their rights violated, perhaps a Miranda warning 2.0 for the obdurate is in order.

For example: 1. You have the right to remain stupid. 2. If you chose not to wear a mask, stay out of the local hospital and don’t waste the time and energy of overworked health care providers when you become sick. 3. You have the right to consult with an undertaker. 4. You have the right to have an undertaker present to discuss how to dispose of your remains. 5. If you cannot afford an undertaker, have your mask-free, like-minded cronies raise funds through GoBuryMe, an online corpse funding platform. 6. You have the right to stop being an ignorant, disease-spreading knucklehead at any time.

Do you understand these rights?

Jack Tulloss


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