I have to confess that a little part of me (the satirical part) is a little sad to think that this election, if he loses, will be the last hurrah of the Trump presidency. Time sure flies by when you’re great again. Soon I’ll be making fun of a new president as we enter the post-post-reality period of American politics, which will be good for democracy but sad for satirists.

He obviously doesn’t care about his legacy, but one last time, while we still have a free press, let’s look back and see how Trump truly stacks up against the great presidents of the past.

Richard Nixon scowled, “I’m not a crook,” but he was. Our former president said, “I’m (expletive deleted)” but he wasn’t, except by Stormy Daniels, and someday we’ll get to the bottom of that. Bill Clinton swore, “I did not have sex with that woman” and got impeached. The former guy boasted, “I just grab them by the ...” and got elected. If I were a woman working in the Trump 2.0 White House, I’d keep my legs crossed at Cabinet meetings.

John Kennedy challenged, “Ask not what your country can do for you.” FPOTUS (former president of the United States) postulated, “I’m a very stable genius.” George Bush the elder promised, “Read my lips.” FPOTUS pointed out “I’ve kept more promises than I’ve made.” On education FPOTUS pondered, “No, I’m not cutting services … I’m cutting spending,” while Bush the younger asked, “Is our children learning?” Bush the younger also announced “Mission Accomplished” on an aircraft carrier, yet the war went on.

FPOTUS prodded Pence to proclaim, “We’ve defeated Al-Qaida.” Harry Truman claimed, “The buck stops here.” Trump protested, “I don’t take responsibility at all.” Truman dropped the A-Bomb, Trump dropped the F-Bomb. Abraham Lincoln summoned “the better angels of our nature.” Trump proclaimed, “American carnage.” Lincoln warned, “You can fool some of the people all of the time.” Trump bragged he could “shoot somebody, and I wouldn’t lose any voters.”

George Washington never said, “I cannot tell a lie.” Trump never told the truth. Barack Obama was “Fired up and ready to go!” Trump insisted, “I would like you to do us a favor though.” Ronnie Ray-gun demanded, “Tear down this wall!” Trump tweeted, “Build the wall and crime will fall.” It rhymes so it must be true.

FDR assured, “The only thing we have to fear is fear itself.” DJT declared, “Just stay calm. It will go away.” Jimmy Carter confessed that, “I’ve lusted in my heart.” You-know-who lusts a little lower.

It’s true, his supporters think he’s the greatest president since Jeff Davis. But rather than adding The Donald to Mount Rushmore, they want to recarve it, so it’s just him. Why should Lincoln the loser be up there? If Lincoln was such a great president, why would they assassinate him?

But I digress. Instead, “Mount Trumpmore” will be a huge sculpture of the future former president, carving a giant statue of himself. Mexico will pay for it, but don’t quote me.

Andy Morris-Friedman lives in Hadley.