Trouble deciphering utility bills

I received a bunch of bills in my mailbox today. This seems to happen every day.

I diligently try to pay them in a timely fashion without using my credit line. Usually I am successful, and in most cases I can understand the invoice.

For example, I bought a lawnmower the other day. The bill stated: Lawnmower — $235.00. Fine.

But accompanying this bill in my letter box were the Eversource, Xfinity, and AT&T bills. Now I have been reflexively paying these charges for years, but for some reason this month I tried to read them. ” Tried” is the operative word here.

It wasn’t long before I realized that I would have to find a Choctaw code talker to decipher what I have been paying for all this time. Perhaps one of you reading this piece can help me find a Choctaw code talker, or maybe one of you has studied Sanskrit and can make sense of these bills.

Here are just a couple of examples of fees that seem to be lifted directly from the Rosetta Stone. The Eversource bill informs me that I am being billed for “Res Assist Adj Clause,” “Pension/PBOP Adj Mechn PPAM,” “Attny Genl consultant exp adj,” “Revenue Deciphering Adj,” among many others.

My AT&T bill charges me for “Regulatory Cost Recovery Charge,” “Federal Universal Service Charge,” in addition to other “services.” My Xfinity invoice also includes a “Regulatory Recovery Fee,” (I’m still recovering) and a “Universal Connectivity Charge.”

I should point out that all of these are in addition to the electricity, phone, and cable products I thought I had been paying for.

I decided to start by calling AT&T and getting some insight from one of their representatives. After numerous recorded messages, several disconnects, and many interminable holds, I was told that the Choctaw code talker had left for the day, but I would receive $10 for any inconvenience.

I can only think about the countless hours I spent trying to learn French in high school and college. I wish that they had offered Choctaw.

Jonathan Kahane

Westhampton

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