Thursday, December 19, 2013
LEVERETT — Right on schedule, 2013 is almost over. Severe weather. Iran, Egypt, Obamacare. It was a memorable year, one well worthy of my annual end-of-the-year quiz. I hope you’ve been studying throughout the year because all that happened will be on the test. This test:
1. The year began with threats — if no Congressional budget deal was reached, Congress would A) consider representing a majority of the people; B) take America over the fiscal cliff; C) take America over the fiscal rainbow; D) adjourn and get real jobs.
2. Loyal British subjects celebrated the arrival of the royal baby by A) clearing store shelves of royal diapers; B) watching the “Downton Abbey” episode “Royal Baby Blues”; C) saying, “Remind us again why we still have a royal family?”
3. House Republicans shut down the government over Obamacare because A) the private sector is doing such a stellar job of providing affordable health care; B) in a majority of GOP districts, people die before they need health care; C) we are no longer a democracy; D) it had the name Obamacare.
4. True or False: Is the new pope Catholic?
5. The hit TV series “Breaking Bad” came to an end after seven years because A) every character had met a grisly death; B) the show had become so dark that no one could see what was happening on the screen; C) the writers ran out of evil.
6. Despite support from 90 percent of Americans, background checks for gun purchases failed in Congress because A) we are no longer a democracy; B) the Second Amendment prohibits background checks unless you’re in a militia; C) a majority of congressmen have backgrounds they did not want checked; D) we are no longer a democracy.
7. Everything bad that happened this year should be blamed on A) Obama; B) drones; C) in-laws; D) Ted Cruz.
8. Apple’s iPhone 5c can A) turn water into wine; B) spin straw into gold; C) spin spare time into wasted time.
9. The Obamacare website was a huge embarrassment because A) it worked about as well as your average HMO website; B) it was running on Windows 8; C) it had the name Obamacare.
10. Use the word “sequester” in a sentence without swearing.
11. When Twitter issued its stock IPO, millions of Americans A) tweeted 500 shares; B) tweeted “English muffin for breakfast, Mmmmmm!”; C) tweeted like canaries.
12. The newest technology, 3D printing, will allow you to print A) all the Bitcoin you can use; B) your own drone; C) your own health care policy, but it won’t work.
13. The Red Sox won the World Series despite A) not having shaved since the Neanderthal era; B) not having Manny or Pedro or Johnny Pesky; C) abusing the “Boston Strong” motto until even the Boston Globe said “enough!”
14. True or False: A Harvard Medical School study of binge drinking on campus showed that if all the binge drinkers were lined up end to end, it would be a typical Friday night.
15. Among the classified documents former NSA employee Edward Snowden has in exile in Moscow are: A) Obama’s Kenyan birth certificate; B) the truth about the JFK assassination; C) final scripts from “Downton Abbey”; D) Ted Cruz’s official copy of “Green Eggs and Ham.”
16. When the Senate used its “nuclear option” to end filibusters of presidential appointments, We, the People shouted A) “Duck and Cover!”; B) “Party down, dudes!”; C) “The Senate? Is that the one that’s undemocratic because it has two senators from each state regardless of size or the one that stole its majority through gerrymandering?”
17. The best title for 2013 is A) “Fast and Furious 6”; B) “Despicable Me 2”; C) “This is the End.”
Bruce Watson’s column appears twice a month. He can be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org.